We have a five year old in the house!

Our first little man turned FIVE this week! He woke up on his birthday and said "Mommy I got SO tall and I can now run super fast!" He makes me giggle. In all seriousness though, how in the world is he five? I feel like we just started the adoption process and here we are with a five year old! I just love being his mommy. He is so funny and keeps life exciting. He is our dinosaur expert and knows pretty much everything about every animal and insect on the planet. He is obsessed with books and will spend hours looking at all the pages. He recently showed interest in wanting to read so we have begun that process. It is so fun to watch him have an excitement to always be learning and exploring. He is also a strong-willed little dude and I am convinced that will be a good thing when he is older. I also know that I will have several gray hairs in the process. It has been a wonderful five years.  I cannot imagine life without him and have a hard time remembering life before him. I know for a fact that I didn't know anything about various dinosaurs before he came along, I had no interest in monster trucks and I definitely didn't hear daily conversations about poop. That all changed now that I am the only female in this house full of boys. I wouldn't change a thing!
Welcome to the world of being a WHOLE HAND old. It is pretty exciting when you're five. We love you buddy!

Turning TWO!

I just tucked in a one year old for the very last time. Tomorrow our baby turns TWO (technically Feb. 29)! Birthdays for our boys bring this mama all sorts of emotions. There is a reason God planned their birthdays to fall 5 days apart from each other.  He knew that I wanted to get the emotions out all at once and be done for the year. Every birthday I am so thankful to their birth parents for choosing us to be their parents. What a gift they are! Tonight I celebrate K and J.  THANK YOU for the gift of Jakob. We love you both so very much!

Tears filled my eyes as I snuggled Jakob in the rocking chair tonight.  Two years ago we went to bed completely unaware that our lives were about to change.  We had no clue that we were about to get a phone call from a friend who would put us in touch with Jakob's birthmom. A little over twelve hours after that phone call a five pound gift from God would make his arrival and our hearts would be forever changed. He was five pounds of strength and courage. Five pounds of pure love and joy.  Five pounds of complete fiestiness and a man on a mission determination. He endured the NICU, three surgeries and overcame hearing loss, all within his first year of life. He is a true miracle and is proving that he can overcome anything.
You, my son, are the busiest little man I have ever known.  You make me sweat changing your diaper and getting you dressed. You jump and climb EVERYTHING. You rearrange my pantry on a daily basis. Chasing you is my work out routine (12,000 steps so far today just chasing you) and the word no is just a suggestion in your eyes. You have this smirk and we can tell you are thinking"oh ya, I am gonna do it anyway", and you do! Even through the busyness, I wouldn't change a thing! I am honored that I get to be your mommy.  My prayer for you is that you grow up knowing the love God has for you, the love we have for you and the love your birth family has for you.  May you never forget how precious and beautiful you are.  May you grow up to be whatever you desire (as long as it's legal) and may you know that your dad and I did our very best every single day loving you and praying for you. Happy 2nd birthday to our baby boy.  Time can slow down. Then again, it is always exciting to see what you will think of next. We love you.

22 years and counting

Valentine's day is always a little special for us. We are high school sweethearts and began our crazy love story in the hallway of our small, rural high school exactly 22 years ago on valentine's day.  It is fun to reflect back on those days. I still remember it like it happened yesterday. Our student council was doing a fun activity and all the boys had hearts around their neck and gave them to whoever they wanted. Branden gave me his. Believe it or not, I still have that construction paper heart in a box packed away with all of the paper notes we used to pass each other in the hallways at school. Texting was not in existence for many years to come! I am happy I hung on to those paper memories to reflect back on. On occasion we have looked at the notes and have laughed about how young and in love we were. Such an innocent type of love back then. Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking all those years ago when he worked out the details for us to be together. We had no clue back then what life would hold. We were 9th and 10th graders who had no idea that 22 years later we would be celebrating another valentine's day together.  Now our love is stronger than it ever has been.  Every day is a balancing act. There are days that we barely get to say more than a few words to each other without interruption from our two little boys.  Even when our days consist of absent conversations, we have this mutual understanding that we are a team and we are in this together through thick and thin, through chaos and calm. No matter what.
 I wonder if God chuckles sometimes when he looks at our life. I know I do. I would never have believed that 22 years later I would still be with that cute boy, and that he would still make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. Or that he would still give me butterflies and make my heart skip a beat when he walked through the door. Yes, sometimes it is because he is home to take over and give me 2 minutes to pee alone, but hey, whatever. That's love right there!
 This valentine's day I will spend it with the 3 guys in my life who all have my heart and have helped write this story we call life. It is years in the making, filled with drama, tears, happiness and love. I could not have written a better story and I can only hope and pray that God will give me many more years on this earth loving on the boys who have my heart.  One calls me his wife, the other two call me mommy.   

Add allergy and homeschooling mama to my job description

I will be the first to admit that I was totally uneducated when it came to food allergies.  I had no reason to educate myself. That all changed the day that I earned a title I wish I didn't have. Allergy mama.  Our oldest son suffers from life threatening food allergies, many of which are contact reactive, meaning he cannot touch ANYTHING containing his allergens.  He was first diagnosed with his first allergy when he was just 10 months old.  I gave him scrambled eggs, that he actually spit out, but resulted in full body hives and eyes so swollen that you could barely see his beautiful blue eyes.  About 6 months later he was diagnosed with peanut allergies.  The list continued to grow and the reactions continued to worsen to the point that all he had to do was touch something containing his allergens and it could turn scary very quickly.  His allergies now consist of egg, peanut, oranges, strawberries, pineapples, artificial flavors and colors, tree nut avoidance, shellfish avoidance as well as several other medication and environmental triggers.  It is a road I never imagined having to navigate, but now 4 years later I feel like we have a handle on. I have done a lot of homework and have spent many hours contacting companies and looking for ways to keep him safe. When his allergens are around, my mama radar (my husband's too) is in high gear and we don't take our eyes off of him. Some may call us "helicopter parents" and you know what? That is okay! He is not old enough to know that he can only touch certain brands of crackers or that regular chocolate chip cookies actually looks EXACTLY like his safe cookies.  It is our job as his parents to keep him safe.  I also have become really good (a little bragging here) at altering recipes and baking safe options.  Believe it or not I used to hate baking, now I actually really enjoy it.  My son does too. It has been a lifestyle change for sure, but one that we have adjusted well to. We pray every single day that he will outgrow some of these allergies or that the reactions will lessen.  Until that day, we have to keep it a priority to keep him safe. When it came to schooling we would have to make some big decisions.
I had absolutely no intention of homeschooling.  The idea never even crossed my mind for a second before we had kids.  Actually it didn't cross my mind at all even when we DID have kids.  As our son started to reach preschool age, it started to become scary. He would react sitting in a grocery cart, how was he going to sit through school? The thought of dropping him off at school made me sick to my stomach. I kept telling my husband that I was not sure I could leave the parking lot of the school when that day came. I began to research homeschooling and my heart kept feeling more and more like this was something we should at least consider. At swimming lessons one day I was talking to another mom, who happened to have a school aged son with severe food allergies, and she told me that if I was able, I absolutely should consider homeschooling. Her son has had several reactions at school. Our son has food anxiety the way it is and I worried he would go into a full panic in a school lunch room.  I was also worried that the teachers and staff may not be able to ensure his safety from his allergens. After much discussion and prayer, my husband and I decided that I would homeschool.  I researched the Classical Conversations curriculum and found a local homeschool community. We meet weekly as a group and it has been a wonderful addition to our family dynamic. The parents in the group have been a Godsend to me.  They have been so flexible and understanding when it comes to having food around and have strict guidelines in place.  I am SO incredibly thankful to them all! We are halfway through our first year of homeschooling and I am loving every minute of it. Are the days sometimes stressful and crazy? Absolutely! But that would be the case, homeschooling or not! What I love most about it is all the moments that I get to spend with my boys.  I prayed for so many years to be a mom and now I never miss a moment.  Had it not been for food allergies, I am almost certain I would not have even thought about it.  I am so thankful now for it though.  The flexibility in schedule, curriculum and the ability to help mold these little guys into the men God has planned for them is something I cherish every day.  I survive daily on a lot of coffee and prayers. I know that as they get older it will be more challenging, but I trust that God has this planned for us and that He will always have my back.  I also am thankful that my hubby is a math & science wizard and can help fill in the spaces where I might struggle. Daddy even joins us on our community days sometimes and our son thinks it is pretty darn awesome that mommy and daddy get to be there with him when he has school. What a gift it is.

Linked by love

We weren't there when either of you took your first breaths. We didn't see you open your eyes for the very first time.  Each of your stories are unique, yet in some ways very similar. Both of you came home 2 days after Easter (3 years apart, that is God's work right there!) We remember the phone calls and first meetings with each of your birth families. The very moment we learned of you, you had our hearts. The very first time we saw your beautiful faces and held you close, time stood still. I remember the way each of you smelled and I will never forget the way your birth families looked at you both. The tears flowed when they placed you in our arms.  In that moment we became a family. God was wrapping his arms around us all and creating the most beautiful open adoption stories. Our family is unique, not one of us is linked by blood. Everyone of us is linked by love. I love our family story.  God wrote a pretty amazing one if you ask me.

First update in a year!

Wow!  It has been a wild year. No wonder I haven't posted here in a year! Little J is ONE!  2016 was filled with a lot of surgeries for our baby boy.  He had his cleft lip repaired in June, tubes put in his ears in July, received his hearing aids in August and had his cleft palate repaired in October.   The surgery and recovery to repair his palate was awful and I definitely don't want to relive that.  Thankfully he will never remember that surgery.  He has been cleared by his surgeon for at least a few more years to not need anymore surgeries for his cleft issues.  We see an audiologist regularly to monitor his permanent hearing loss that he was born with. So other then early intervention services and his hearing screenings, we are doctor free for a few years!  Yay!  Little J just took his first steps last week and will be running soon.  He definitely will be our first child to end up in the ER with stitches or something broken.  He keeps us on our toes!  Big J just turned FOUR! How in world did that happen?!  He is a wonderful big brother and loves him to pieces...except if he's taking his toys.  He has been a good helper with his brother and is teaching him everything he needs to know about dinosaurs.  He taught his brother to roar like a dinosaur.   He was pretty proud. We continue to teach preschool at home for him and he loves it.  It also helps this mama's anxiety.   He gets tested again in May to see if his food allergies have improved at all.  If so, then we will start thinking about public school. If not, we have some decisions to make about the best options to keep him safe.  His food allergies are very severe and give me a lot of anxiety when we leave the house. We are praying for a decrease in severity. Big J is a very active little boy. He is our little fish and has really been doing great at swimming lessons.  In a few weeks we will have the boy's 1st & 4th birthday party.  It will be a swimming party with just close family and a few friends.   Big J's birth family will be there as well.  He is pretty excited. 

Joy in the journey

One month ago a little boy entered this world and changed the lives of so many.  Today is an exciting and difficult day.  Today he will join our family as our son.  With our excitement,  there will also be tears.  His birth family loves him with all they have.  His birth mama & daddy, grandparents, uncles/aunts and extended family will hurt today, but we pray they find joy in the journey as well.  You see, this little guy is not losing them. They are an extension of him that will never be replaced or removed.  Our promise to you is that we will love him as much as you do and do our absolute best every single day to be the parents to him that God made us to be.  We will talk about you and pray for you every day. He will know you by name and remain in your lives. This is our promise to you. 
And to this little boy who will now call me mommy.   I love you.  I have loved you from the very second the thought of you joining our lives crossed my heart.   I look forward to seeing you with your big brother and watching you learn and grow, get into dirt, play with bugs (just no snakes, at least don't chase your mama haha) and be the man that God intends you to be.  My promise to you is I will love you no matter what.  I will be the shoulder you cry on and the one cheering you on at your sporting events. I love you sweet boy and welcome to our crazy, fun and amazing family.   We are happy you are here and cannot wait to see where life takes you.  There is so much joy in this journey.   Welcome to it.