Sometimes I wonder...

As I relax at the end of my night, I am reminded about how incredibly awesome and exhausting this parenthood gig is.  What an honor it is that God has trusted us to be the parents of a busy almost 3 year old (Yikes! How did that happen so fast?)  I also take a moment to think about the little one who will join our family one day and make our son a big brother, completing our desires to be the parents of 2 little kiddos.

I wonder if you already have been created by God or if He is still planning that out.

How are your first mommy & daddy doing?   I pray for them already and hope that God is walking beside them as they make the best decision for you and your future.

What will you look like?

I wonder where you are.

Are you a boy or a girl?

What heritage will we embrace in our family?

These are all questions that run through my mind on a regular basis, but the most important question I have is this: Will I please God and the birth family who trust me to be the best mommy I know how to be? Because frankly, when another woman places her child in your arms forever, the responsibility is not taken lightly.   I made a vow to our son's birth mom that I would do my very best, and I work hard every single day to honor that.  The same rings true for the baby we are waiting for.  I love a child that I've never met.  I also love his/her birth family.   I pray for you. I wait for you and sometimes I wonder where you are.

Networking

We have created a social media page to get our faces out all around the country.   We feel that there is someone somewhere who will see it and put us in touch with an expectant mother.   I know God has got this.  We just have to take the first steps.  So here we are God.  Trusting you to lead the way.  The ball is in your court and I am trusting you.  You did it before and you'll do it again.  I believe that with all of my heart.

Every day is a winding road

When we were going through our adoption journey with J, I found it so therapeutic to write about it.  So now I am turning to writing again to help me get through the struggles along the way to having baby #2.  Those who've never gone through infertility struggles and adoption wait, cannot fully grasp the difficulty of the long journey.   Not only did we wait for almost 7 difficult years to have our first son, now we are going on 7 months of waiting just to get in with our agency again, with who knows how long of a wait to follow. I'm not looking for sympathy.   I don't expect anyone to fully understand unless they've experienced it, but I would love some prayers. We received news last week that our agency will not be opening up the program that we used to adopt J because of low placement rates and have no plans to do so until some of the 30+ families receive placements. So now, we have the difficult decision of what to do.  We need to decide first if we want to continue the road to have another baby.  If so, we need to find a national agency and open it up to all 50 states.  With that, comes a lot more added financial stress as well as travel expenses.   Nothing about the journey has been easy, so I'm not sure why I expected this to be.  The only thing I know for certain is this: God has it all figured out already.   He is just patiently waiting for us to pick which path we want to walk down.   I am casting my worries on to Him to figure out all the details.  Sometimes I wonder how in the world we will make this work.  I'm sure God just smiles and says to himself "just trust me."  It's so difficult to do when you have the fear of the unknown.  God I do trust you.   I know that you will make this happen if it is meant to.  So today I CAST THAT THING and I ask that you help ease my fear and worries. 

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."
1 Peter 5:7