I have been really feeling the desire in my heart to adopt again, but every single time I think about it, the 'what ifs' and negative thoughts creep in. Having gone through the process before, you'd think I wouldn't be worried. I'm not so much worried about the process anymore, it's all the unknowns.
What if we start the process again and it goes fast? Ugh, I don't think there is enough required coffee on this planet for me to handle two kids two and under.
What if we start the process in a year or two and the wait takes FOREVER? Ugh, I don't want our kids to be SO far apart in age.
What if our next birth family situation isn't as awesome as our current situation?
What if having two kids puts a strain on our marriage?
What if our son doesn't get along with his future sibling?
What if both our kids cling on to one parent and exhaust us?
What if. What if. What if. What if.
Then I snap back to reality. God's got it figured out already. If He didn't want us to have additional children, He wouldn't put the desire in our heart. If He knew our son was meant to be an only child, He'd tell us somehow.
If we have two kids close in age, we do. If we have two kids far apart in age, we do. Bottom line is God's timing is perfect and I need to learn to trust Him. This is something I struggled with the first time we adopted. I know it's something I will struggle with again, but I need to put on my big girl pants (or like a friend told me, at least take them out of the drawer and put them on the dresser) turn to prayer and lean on God to lead the way. I know in my heart we are meant to adopt again. When? I'm not sure. But God YOU KNOW and I trust YOU. So please take my hand and lead me towards Your plan. Calm my anxious heart and help my husband get past his fears as well. Afterall, we're a team and you're a wonderful coach.
No comments:
Post a Comment