Wednesday March 20, 2013 5:00pm
What a roller coaster ride. There are so many things that run through your mind ahead of time to prepare yourself, but the day it happens shocks you. I'm speaking from experience here. I just got a call 2 1/2 hrs ago that could potentially change our lives forever. There is a little boy already in this world who could possibly be ours. Such a huge amount of emotions. One minute I'm giving a client a hair color and the next I get a phone call that could be life changing. Simply unexplainable.
Thursday March 21, 2013 3:45am
I'm wide awake. I decided to just get out of bed and make a cup of tea. Hopefully it will help me sleep. I've been laying in bed and thinking about the little boy. The little boy who is already named. The 2 week old little guy who may just be the little boy that calls me mommy. His initials are J.G. He is Caucasian & Filipino. He was born healthy and is eating 2 oz. Formula at each feeding & sleeping around 3-4hrs at a time. I'm sure he is so darn handsome! We talked last night about trying not to get our hopes up and to not get too attached. THAT IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE! He may not be ours, but he might be ours forever.
We aren't technically "matched", but the birth mom felt strongly enough about us that it required our worker to call us and ask permission to proceed further. There certainly isn't a book out there that can explain to you how you will feel in a situation like this. What's so ironic,(I guess I shouldn't call it ironic, because I'm sure God had this planned all along) is that one year ago today I was lying awake (probably around the same time) waiting to do our final frozen embryo transfer. Today I'm wide awake, hoping that today is the day that we find out if little J.G will become ours.
Thursday March 21, 2013 5:30pm
I hate waiting. This has been the longest day of my life. Its out of our hands and in the hands of God & the birth family. I'm praying we get a call very soon.
Friday March 22, 2013 10:00AM
Have I mentioned how much I hate waiting? I do. We still haven't heard anything back from the social worker for the birth family. I'm sure they are obviously making some pretty difficult decisions. I feel selfish that I'm being impatient. This birth family is making the biggest decision of their entire lives and may just trust us enough to place their child with us and have him call me mommy and my husband daddy, and yet I'm being the selfish one. I want it in MY timing. I need to refocus and wait for THEIR timing! God knows what he's doing and he's putting my feelings and patience to the test. So far I feel like I'm disappointing him. Sorry God. I will try to be better.
Saturday March 23, 2013 7:00pm
We went out for dinner with friends last night and are going to have some drinks with my cousins tonight. We are hoping this is our very last kid-free weekend (without having to find a baby-sitter of course!) We are trying to keep busy so it isn't constantly on our minds. I find myself going through lists in my head of things we need to get still. At least now I'm sleeping a little better and I'm not lying in bed thinking about it all night. I'm finding it difficult to not scream it to the mountain tops that we may be parents very soon. Tonight my cousin asked us how the adoption process was going. I wanted so badly to tell him, but didn't want to jinx anything! Not like I'm superstitious, but still don't want to take any chances! Ha! So far only a few people know what's going on. Our immediate family & our co-workers (only because we got the call at work). We are leaning on our parents, sisters and God to get us through this wait.
March 24, 2013. Palm Sunday
As we drove to church this morning I looked back into the empty seat behind us. I couldn't help but think that the next time we drive to church there could be a carseat back there. I prayed like I've never prayed before in church and found myself in tears many times throughout the service. Thankfully my hubby was right there to hold my hand. I'm certain that the people around me thought something was seriously wrong with me. I just feel in my heart that baby J will be ours. I pray he will be, but then again, I've been wrong before. I just pray God will give us strength & also hold my hand through this all.
After church we did go get the last few items that were on our list of must-haves before baby would arrive. Bottles, a crib mattress & mattress pad. We are completely ready for the arrival of our child.
I also was in the nursery today for a little bit reading the book "Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You" I love that book & hope to be able to read it to our child very soon.
Palm Sunday 10:30 pm
2 hours ago our lives changed forever. We just got the most wonderful news we've ever heard. The birth family has chosen to meet us and may trust us enough to be baby J's mommy and daddy for the rest of his life. I cannot explain the excitement. After getting off the phone we sobbed in eachother's arms. Then we called our families. Hearing our families excitement was breathtaking. I'm shaking and sweating like crazy! Next step is to meet them on Wednesday. We are praying things go great and he will be home with us by Easter. My sister is already talking about taking his baby photos. God is truly amazing. Every tear has been worth it thus far. We are simply blessed!
We might be earning the title of parents! Thank you God! Of course its not for sure yet, so trying really hard to not get excited. Ha ya right, I'm excited!
Monday March 25, 2013
Today we learned some more details about the little boy that we already love. He may just be our son! It feels so weird to say that! He was born 20 days ago and weighted 7 lbs. 1 oz & was 19 1/4 inches long. We made plans for Wednesday to travel and skype with the birth father and meet the birth mother face to face. Thankfully the birth mother isn't too terribly far away from us, so it shouldn't be too long of a drive. Then if things go good there is a chance to have baby J in our home THIS WEEKEND! Just in time for Easter! We are still keeping the news private for now. There is always that chance of the birth family changing their minds. We pray that won't happen, but to be safe and respect our birth family, only a few people & our pastor know. I got a call and an email from our pastor. She was rejoicing and praising God. I can't wait to shout it to the mountain tops. But that will come.
Wednesday March 27, 2013 5:45 am
Today is a day that I have been thinking about since the day we began our adoption journey a year ago. Today is the day we will meet the people who gave J life. The people who have loved him so much to want the very best for him. I love them both so much and I haven't met them. Its so crazy to feel such strong emotion for two people, who just last week, were complete strangers. I have so many things I want to say to them. Thank you isn't enough. What words do you say to the people who might be giving you the greatest gift you will ever receive? There will never be anything I can say that's greater than the gift they might be giving us. We will be forever grateful to them. Our son will always know about them and how much they love him. He will also know how much we love them. There will never be a day that goes by that I will not thank God for bringing J's birth parents into our lives so that we could receive the biggest blessing. I've said this before, and I'll say it again. Adoption is a wonderful thing, although its the scariest too, but that is why our social worker is helping us through. Today we may just get another new extended family!
No comments:
Post a Comment