Thursday March 28, 2013

  Yesterday was quite the day.  There isn't a "meeting the birth parents" handbook.  I had to chug some pepto bismol before we left the house because I thought I would throw up.  Thank you Pepto!
We spent about 3 1/2 hrs.  in the office, but let me tell you, it was time well spent!  Honestly,  if we could have lined potential birth parents up and interviewed each of them, we'd choose them! Its crazy how God will bring people into your life!
  We first started out by having a phone conversation with J's birth father.  It was so nice to listen to him and my hubby talk about sports, camping, fishing and so much more.  They had a lot in common and I was so happy to learn that.  We were very nervous and it went so good.  It made us comfortable knowing that if J does become our son that we will be able to have BOTH of his birth parents involved in his life.  That was very important.  He shared with us his faith background and what he hopes his son will be able to achieve and have in life.  We agreed about terms and updates and he actually told us that he looks forward to speaking with us again.  So that made us feel good.
  After that meeting we were able to meet J's birth mother in person.  She was crying and we hugged.  There are so many similarities between our families.  From faith, to family values, to our father's military service and so so so much more. I told her so many times that she would be giving us the most amazing gift we'd ever receive and that there wouldn't be one single day that went by that we wouldn't thank God for her selfless decision.  We reassured her that she will continually be a part of J's life.  Not only is it important to us, its very important to both of them.  We agreed about terms and updates throughout his life. She shared some photos of him.  He is the cutest little boy with lots of dark hair.  He brought both smiles to our faces and tears to our eyes. She also shared the meaning behind his name.  It is so beautiful and we said that it will be his name forever. When we hugged to say goodbye we said "see you soon" and she smiled. Then they left. 
  After that we met privately with her worker. She said that the birth mom needs a few days to process this and to speak with her parents.   So its sounding more and more that he won't be here in our home for Easter.  But we will see what happens.  She told us that if she places J for adoption that we are 100% the family who will be receiving him.  There is always that chance she may decide to parent,  and if she does, that's ok. Although we love that little boy and his birth parents already, God would help us through that loss.   But deep down in the bottom of my heart I feel J will be our son.  There is always that doubt that creeps in and tells me otherwise.   But I am holding on to our faith in God to walk by our side these next few days. 
  The worker said something to us also that makes us feel good.  She said if you don't have a carseat I suggest you get one and learn to install it soon.  That gives us that glimmer of hope.

Friday March 29, 2013

  Yesterday afternoon I had a really good conversation with our worker.  We are still hopeful that baby J will come to our home soon.  We just aren't sure when. There is a bunch of paper work and medical stuff we are waiting on.  Also, since baby is in foster care, we will need to make arrangements with the foster parents.   Meanwhile, parental rights have NOT been terminated, so there is always a chance that the birth parents will decide to parent. Whoever says that "you're adopting so at least you don't have to experience the pain of labor" has obviously never experienced a 9 day adoption wait.  There have been so many emotions and tons of break downs for me.  This has definately, by far, been the hardest 9 days of our entire lives.  But it will all be worth it.  I just know it.  We continue to remain hopeful and trust in God to be by our side.  Meanwhile,  our Easter trip to Colorado has been cancelled.  My niece is a little upset, but she will be just fine if she learns that she gets a baby cousin out of the deal.  If this doesn't happen, I have some explaining to do to a 5 year old little girl!

Easter Sunday March 31, 2013

   Today I woke up and instantly thought of baby J.  Its so hard to know he might be our son, and yet we can't spend Easter with him.  I hope and pray that his foster parents continue to take great care of him & spoil him today.  I have faith in our risen Lord that he will be with us this week.  Today we are going to church & then having some friends over for lunch.   I pray this is the very last year that we don't get to play the easter bunny!  I'm sure it will be emotional for me today when I see all the cute kids dressed up in their Easter outfits, but I will be just fine.  Afterall, today is a day to celebrate.  HE IS RISEN!  HE IS RISEN INDEED!  Happy Easter!