Why im thankful for infertility

I often look back on our many years with infertility and wonder how in the world we survived.  3 years of trying on our own.  2 years worth of doctors appointments.  So many medications that I can't even count.  Needle marks in my arms from blood draws and in my stomach and rear end from hormones (if you didn't know me, you'd think I was a junkie). Many moments of breaking into tears for no reason at all.  I once cried watching the tv show American Choppers!  My hubby thought I had officially fallen off my rocker! Haha!   Numerous IUI'S, 1 IVF, and a frozen embryo transfer all with the same result :  Not Pregnant.
   We've cried many nights and wondered over and over again "Why us?"  Why God would you allow this to happen?  We are so in love. We've been together 17 years and married 10 years.  We've worked hard to get where we are and we just want to be parents!   Why us God?  Why?  Then one day it dawned on me.  The question isn't "Why us?"  The question is "Why not us?"   What makes me think that I'm so good that I shouldn't experience infertility?   Infertility is a disease just like diabetes or cancer, or anything else for that matter.
  No I didn't choose infertility,  but it chose me.  If it weren't for infertility in our lives, we wouldn't be as strong as we are today.  Infertility gave me strength I didn't know existed.  It taught me to value the life I have and who I live it with.  It taught me that the only one in control of my life is my creator.   It brought women into my life that I would have never met had I not had infertility.   When some relationships would fall apart because of the difficult struggle, it brought ours closer together. Most importantly it caused me to have a stronger relationship with God.
I am grateful for our struggles with infertility.   I never thought I'd be saying those words less than 1 year after our final treatment failed.  I am grateful for infertility.   I'm grateful for the experience we had because if it weren't for it I would have never figured out that my desire wasn't to be pregnant.  My desire was the end result of a pregnancy: Motherhood.  My own mother said to me during a very tearful conversation after our last treatment  "You don't have to give birth to be a mom.  Being a mom comes from your heart." Its something I will never forget. 
  Infertility has brought us to a 7 month journey towards adoption. Its a journey we feel we belong on.  Its an exciting and very scary time for us.  Its full of many unanswered questions and so many unknowns, but its a journey we are meant to be on and we may not have ever known about the wonderful world of adoption had it not been for infertility.  So yes, I'm thankful for infertility.  We will be parents through the amazing gift of adoption.   Afterall, parenthood is what we truly wanted to experience in the first place.  We took a detour along the way, but the end result will be the same and we will be stronger because of the curves in the road along the way.

Let the crazy dreams begin ..

So I've always been known as the crazy dreamer.   I tend to dream the weirdest most outrageous things and always remember them.  So last nights dream was normal.  WEIRD RIGHT?   It was all about adoption.  I can remember every single detail from the color of shirt our social worker was wearing (it was yellow in case you are wondering)to the time our worker told us we'd know if we were selected (11:00am) and the name of our birth mother (Tracy).  I even remember what she did for a living. Every little detail is etched into my memory.  I'm obviously over analysing this dream, but I long for the day when I wake up in the morning and realize it wasn't just a dream.

Correct Adoption language

Before we became familiar with the entire adoption process and the appropriate language to use, we were also guilty of using some of the negative words too.  I wanted to share with our family and friends the correct terms/words to use when speaking about adoption.  If negative words are used it can be hurtful even if you don't intend it to be, so I wanted to share this list below.  The one word that I've become very used to using now is "placed" instead of given away or given up.

Positive Language                      

Negative Language

Birthparent                                                                               Real parent

Biological parent                                                                    Natural parent

Birth child                                                                               Own child

My child                                                                     Adopted child; Own child

Born to unmarried parents                                                  Illegitimate

Terminate parental rights                                                      Give up

Make an adoption plan  or place for adoption                  Give away

To parent                                                                                To keep

Waiting child                                                        Adoptable child; available child

Biological or birthfather                                                      Real father

Making contact with                                                           Reunion

Parent                                                                              Adoptive parent

Intercountry adoption                                                  Foreign adoption

Adoption triad                                                            Adoption triangle

Permission to sign a release                                              Disclosure

Search                                                                          Track down parents

Child placed for adoption                                          An unwanted child

Court termination                                                        Child taken away

Child with special needs                                          Handicapped child

Child from abroad                                                          Foreign child

Was adopted                                                                    Is adopted

Waiting ...

Its officially been two whole weeks since we've been waiting for a match.  I knew that the wait would be the hardest part of this journey so far and I was right.   I know that it will get harder and more emotional as we get closer to receiving that match.  I'm already finding myself jumping every time that phone rings and checking my phone for missed calls constantly.  The anticipation of what is to come is exciting and scary all at once.  I pray that our wait is short, but I trust in God's plan.  I know our child is out there (hopefully arriving soon) and I hope that the next time I jump because the phone is ringing we end up jumping for joy because our time has arrived.