Reflecting on 2013

I stumbled upon a message from a friend this morning that was written to me on March 30, 2012.  This was the day we found out our frozen embryo transfer had not worked.   This is just a small portion of our conversation.  "My heart hurts for you guys, however God's plan is greater than what our plan is. Being able to put your faith and trust in Jesus through the difficult times is what will get you through. Today my cousin posted a song by Laura Story called Perfect Peace. You seriously need to listen to it...It talks about letting Jesus bear your load because he gives you perfect peace, though this life is hard, know that I will always give you perfect peace!"  This was my response: "I will never understand why I have had the struggles that I have, but I do trust God and know one day he will answer all my questions and explain it all to me.  In the mean time, I just need to trust that he knows what he's doing.  I will be a mom someday!"
    So today I reflect on 2013 with the biggest smile on my face and my little monkey asleep in his crib (although he cried and faught it, but only for a minute.  Mommy knows best). Its so hard to believe I've been a mom for almost 9 months already.   My wild, strong-willed, smiley, busy, blue eyed almost 10 month old blessing has taught me so much in 9 months. He's taught me that sleep is overrated, the simplest things are hillarious ( who knew saying BA BA BA could cause incredible laughter?)  He's taught me that life is so interesting and everything is fun!
Another lesson is that people come into your life for a reason.  They give you strength when you don't think you have it.  Some people come into your life when you least expect it.  It even happens when you are applying hair color on a client!  I can laugh now about the day we found out about this little 2 week old who we now call our son.  Yes, I had a client in my chair.   I remember the emotions I felt, the days that followed, and the incredible respect I had for J's birth mother and father.  When we met them a few days later, I remember telling his birth mother that I love her.  I explained to her how strange it felt to tell someone that you've just met that you love them, but I did then and still do. I have an incredible respect for the decision she made, putting her own feelings aside, to make the plan for the future of her son.  She loved him so much & knew he'd not have the life she wanted for him if she parented him.  Then she chose us, people she'd never met, to care for and love him for the rest of his life.  If God wasn't at work in this situation,  I'm not sure who was! 
We continue to have a relationship with his birth family.   We will always share a special bond and our son will always have people who love him unconditionally.  We will cherish the day forever when she placed him in our arms, gave him a kiss and told us she loved us. 
She was his mommy that gave him life & I'm the mommy who helps him live his life.  What a wonderful blessing.

    2013 has been the best year in our lives and marriage so far.  We look forward to 2014 when we move into our dream home. Although not nearly as exciting as 2013, but still extremely exciting!   We are building new memories with our little family.   God continues to bless us beyond measure. I'm so glad that I trusted His plan and followed my heart.  Sometimes it was very difficult and I questioned it, but I kept on keeping on and now we are praising Him and His wonderful glory.  God is good!

First visit with birth family today

When we began this adoption process in April of 2012, my perspective on open adoption was quite skewed.   If you asked me then what I thought about potential visits with our future child's birth mom or dad, I probably would've told you that would make me uncomfortable. If you suggested maybe even visiting our child's extended birth family, I may have thought that was a crazy idea.   I probably wouldn't have wanted it that way.  Afterall, I've watched Lifetime Movie Network a time or two and have seen how those stories turn out.  They never go well. 
Thank goodness I have since been very much educated about open adoption and how beneficial it is for not only our child, but for us and his birth family.

Today we sat down for nearly two hours in a room, all by ourselves, with two people who love our son unconditionally.   They are his birth grandparents.   They drove over 5 hours one way, just to see him for a short time.  They just sat there and stared at him, tears in their eyes, and thanked us over and over again for allowing them to be a part of our son's life.  They played with him, took a million pictures, smiled, laughed, cried and even fed him his bottle.  They brought him presents & even included a nice card for us along with a gift card to a local restaurant so we could have a date night.

We are so incredibly blessed to know our son is so loved by not only us & our family,  but by his birth family and extended birth family.   Open adoption will allow them to watch him grow throughout his life.  I'm so happy I was educated about openness in adoption.   What a blessing it is.