Emotions

Adoption is a roller coaster ride of emotions.   I've said that a million times and I will say it a million more.  All the unknowns and what ifs, the paperwork and waiting, the tears and fears, the stress and anticipation are all worth it in the end, but let me just say it straight,  it all sucks in the process.   Putting all of our fears aside and putting complete trust in God to handle it can be very difficult sometimes.  I feel like there are days I just want to curl up in a corner and throw a temper tantrum like my son does.  I want to kick and scream and shout "I don't wanna" over and over again.   But then I take a deep breath, step back for a moment and say a prayer.  It's the same prayer I have been saying for quite sometime and it comes directly from the mouth of a great friend of mine who happens to be a foster mama.  It's simple,  but so powerful.  "Lord I don't know what will happen, but you do and I trust you." 
This is a reminder to me each time I say it that I am not in control of what happens in our parenting journey.   I have never been in control  (I've definitely tried to take over the drivers seat) but ultimately God's plan was way better anyway.   I just need to let Him drive.   So easy to say, much harder to do.  It is a constant struggle but I am trying every single day to let Him lead the way.  When I feel like I can't handle it I say my little prayer and suddenly I am calm. 
Lord, I don't know what will happen,  but you do and I trust you.  Amen